so much to say, but no one to listen...

2 see the sunset - Dec 1, 2006 5:27 AM

2010-04-04T02:59:00.002-04:00

why is life so strange? porfin crees que tienes toda tu vida planeada y derepente BAAAAAM!!! chokas de frente con la realidad... la mitad de las cosas que planeas nunca pasaran y la otra mitad no saldran como esperabas... and here comes the past, memories u thought were long gone, to bite u in the ass... nice...

i miss the good old days... u could be all day doing nun and didnt have 2 worry one bit... but times change, and soo does people...

the world goes on, people live and die, and im here wondering... why am i alive?

2 see the sunset

a blast from the past!

2010-04-04T02:57:00.002-04:00

im not gonna let this blog die... so mientras no pueda escribir cosas nuevas voy a estar salvando las cosas viejas k estaban en mi difunta cuenta d hi5...

would you?

2009-07-01T23:15:00.001-04:00

help me break the glass....
for those old memories
and new ones to come...

night fusion

2009-05-08T18:08:00.000-04:00

One night
One concert
One great moment
A lot of great memories
And only one thing i would change...
I wish i had a better camera.

ps: 07, has it really been that long?

February the 4th

2009-02-09T12:08:00.000-04:00

It was a great day.
Maybe not the best of my life, but it was pretty close. Lots of people didnt remember, but the people that did...

Lets make a small list:
(in order of apparition)

1- The bitten fruit
2- A drop of chocolate
3- The taste of bubbles
4- Grimm and madness and all the stars
5- The cream filling
6- The hardest button to button

P.S.: planned to post this sooner but my pc is dead... May she rest in peace.

P.S.2: got some more things to post... I'll se if later i can get some time to post.

P.S.3: didn't thought no one would remember.

The journey to nowhere

2008-09-27T18:02:00.005-04:00

sometimes i wish things where like yesterday, not the best day in the world but somehow special.
the feeling of being completely free, of walking without knowing where im headed and not caring one bit if i would ever get somewhere... just enjoying the ride, contemplating at the scenery, being a spectator...

I want to go on a journey to nowhere.

In the house of lies

2008-09-21T13:38:00.006-04:00

in the house of lies
she flutters and laughs
between wasps and butterflies
she dances and stares
and laughs once again
as i walk passing by
and i cant help but try
(sometimes, when its dark)
to get a little close
maybe even touch her hand...

crazy good

2008-08-23T16:56:00.003-04:00

i wanna run and jump and laugh
i wanna do all those things they told me i shouldn't do
like talking to strangers
sneaking into the theaters
or being with you

truth is... we need more good crazy

www.asofterworld.com

the top 100

2008-07-25T02:41:00.000-04:00

hace ya un tiempo tenia la idea d escribir una lista, la primera k pense fueron 10 momentos importantes d mi vida, otra se supone k seria algo asi como un bucket list, la ultima k llego a mi cabeza se llamaba "things i can do without"... ninguna la termine

i must say, gracias jennifer, esto no es mas k mi vercion de tu lista...

so here are some random facts about myself:

1- my full name is ian rafael ramíerz martínez

2- me llamo ian por un ingles amigo d mi padre k le dejo una nota diciendo "si te casas con lourdes y tienen ninios, al primero si es ninio, ponganle ian, si es ninia lourdes y si es ma$%^*n ponganle rafa"

3- solo me e roto un hueso en todo el cuerpo, uno d los tobillos, creo k el derecho

4- cuando naci tenia problemas, no podia beber leche asi k me la mesclaban con zanaoria, por eso mi piel era amarilla cuando era ninio

5- de pekenio me decian concho como los carros publicos pk siempre vivia golpeado

6- una d las peores cosas k e echo, mas o menos cuando tenia 7 anios le clave un reguilete (d los que se ponen en el jardin para regarlos) con una punta pesada y larga de metal en una pierna a una persona

7- creo k esa persona se lo merecia

8- cuando tenia como 5 anios me rompi uno d los dientes d alante, tube esa pekenia "ventana" como hasta los 12

9- tengo algo asi como una maldicion con las bicicletas, no puedo montar una por mucho tiempo sin picharle una goma o romperle alguna piensa (e roto tenedores, extensores, cuadros, un poco d todo)

10- soy malo para recordar nombres y fechas (a decir vdd soy malo para recordar muchas cosas)

11- segun dicen los cuentos de mi infancia estube al morir par de veces mientras era un bebe por complicaciones de salud, una amiga de mi madre dijo k tenia un mal de ojos, como se agotaron las opciones y aunk mis padres no creian en eso me llevaron a donde una donia a k me hiciera una "limpia" y supuestamente funciono

12- me gusta el "olor a lluvia"

13- una vez salte al agua para salvar a mi hermano k se estaba ahogando, yo tampoco sabia nadar...

14- la cicatriz mas grande d mi cuerpo es una mordida en mi brazo derecho, probablemente no lo crean pero un burro me mordio y casi me arranca el brazo.

15- creo en el amor

16- tube muchas oportunidades con mujeres desde peke pero nunca hice nada, espere por mucho tiempo para mi primer beso pk keria que fuera con alguien en especifico... valio la pena!

17- creo en el amor a primera vista

18- me e enamorado 3 veces

19- solo e tenido 4 novias

20- mis peliculas favoritas son the professional, eternal sunshine of a spotless mind, le fabuleux destin d'amelie poulain y v for vendetta (kisas se me olvido alguna)

21- mi genero de musica favorito es el metal progresivo aunk ultimamente no estoy escuchando muchos grupos de metal

22- nunca me habia afectado la muerte de nadie hasta que murio vanessa ramírez, i miss her ='(

23- i sometimes think she's still alive

24- mi comida fav son los tacos, no como habicuelas, guandules ni nada parecido.

25- no soy supersticioso.

26- cuendo era mas joven algunas noches escuchaba na voz que me llamaba, decidi no volver a escucharla, dio resultado.

27- cuando me despido por msn solo le escribo night a las personas k me importan d vdd

28- pienso k fidel es lo mejor k le a pasado a cuba y no me agrada la politica de estados unidos con su "manifest destiny"

29- kiero vicitar muchas partes del mundo pero mis prioridades son U.K. y japon

30- la curiosidad me mata

31- me encantan los juegos de rol, final fantasy, breath of fire, chrono triger... y dnd.

32- tengo un psp y lo uso para jugar juegos d snes y llevar mis tareas de la uni mas k cualkier otra cosa

33- i prefer them brunettes

34- antes de enterarme que era un hombre mana era uno de mis amores platonicos (aun tengo pesadillas con eso)

35- no tengo problemas con las personas gays, a decir vdd tube una discucion con amigos por defender el derecho de las parejas gays de criar hijos

36- soy muy cabeza dura y no te voy a querer dar la razon aunk se k la tienes

37- de ninio consideraba en suicido, despues me di cuenta de lo estupido que fui

38- soy tecnicamente incapas de odiar, notese que es tecnicamente... cuando lo hago lo tomo en serio

39- nunca e comido anchoas y no creo k podria vivir comiendos sushi, lo paso, pero no lo comeria mucho

40- no pense k llegaria a la 40, esta la voy a saltar pk lo k me llego a la cabeza no es apto para todo publico, digamos k hay sangre d por medio

41- creo k soy un buen besador pero solo si la otra persona me lo permite, me adapto mucho a el gusto de los demas en ese tipo de cosas

42- antes tenia problemas de autoestima, ahora no creo ser mejor k todo el mundo, solo mejor k algunos =P (en vdd creo en la igualdad)

43- tengo unas esposas negras

44- mis padres no saben k tengo un piercing en la lengua

45- mi madre y mi hermana son lo mas importante para mi, despues mi padre y mi hermano (aunk no lo admita si lo kiero)

46- antes era un maestro del insulto, unos amigos me dijeron k se sintieron mal por lo k les dije asi k deje d hacerlo, ahora no se como hacerlo

47- mis pertenencias mas valiosas son unos marcalibros y un huevo pintado de rojo

48- me gustaba britney spears, es increible en lo k se a convertido

49- mi relacion mas larga duro 1 anio y 6 meses, despues ella me enganio con uno de mis mejores amigos... despues ella lo enganio a el conmigo... (asi fue como pude sacarmela de la cabeza, me di cuenta de en k se habia convertido)

50- mi anime favorito es lain, no por la historia o por la animacion, sino pork pocas personas entienden las cosas que pasan y de k trata en realidad

51- mi novia mas vieja tenia 17 anios

52- mi animal favorito es el tigre siberiano

53- llegue a tener 12 gatos y 2 perros al mismo tiempo

54- orange and black are my fav colors

55- nunca e llorado con una movie y la que mas cerca a estado fue the lion king

56- mi mejor amiga es una de mis ex novias

57- e sido bautisado y tb pase por el equibalente a un bautiso en la religion taoista

58- algun dia me gustaria tomar una foto de un desnudo

59- me gustan los regalos echos a mano, son los que mas aprecio

60- una de las mejores experiencias de mi vida fue montar bicicleta de noche lloviendo

61- mi ropa es muy importante para mi, tragicamente no encuentro lo que me gusta en este pais, asi que me visto con lo que encuentro mas o menos

62- no soy violento y evito una pelea a toda costa pero no le tengo miedo a nadie sin importar su tamanio o su edad

63- nunca le pegaria a una mujer, lo mas violento que puedo hacer es pisarla

64- de ninio mordi a una amiga de mi hermana en la espalda hasta que sangro, dure semanas con el sabor a sangre en la boca

65- mi personalidad a cambiado totalmente, pero todavia a veces me entran esos "bursts" y esas ganas de joder

67- no creo en la iglesia... durante las crusadas mataron a mas personas que cualquier guerra en el mundo

68- mi primera clave de internet era vaka4you

69- creo k la sociedad es un problema mayor que los anisociales

70- no soportaba los muniekitos de "el principito" pero pienso k el libro es excelente

71- en discuciones fuertes suelo quedarme callado y pasar el pique lo mas tranquilo posible, no me gusta "explotar" en la cara de las personas

72- me encanta usar puntos suspensivos cuando escribo...

73- admiro a laura rivas

74- siempre pongo musica en mi cel cuando me voy a baniar

75- me gustan las peliculas independientes

76- pienso que toda persona debe aprender a tocar almenos un instrumento, tengo un bajo, deje de tomar las clases...

77- una de mis metas en la vida es aprender a hablar 5 idiomas

78- comparto mi habitacion con mi hermano, no es que lo disfrute pero a veces me hacer falta cuando no esta

79- cuando estaba en 4to la directora del colegio me peleo y casi me expulsa por una semana por "verla mal", todos los muchachos del curso intentaron explicarle que veo asi a las personas, me an dicho k veo como un vampiro... (weird)

80- me gustaria ser un vampiro!

81- de ninio le tenia miedo a la oscuridad, ahora no puedo dormir con luz

82- solo e pedido amores una vez, las otras veces me lo pidieron a mi

83- prefiero fijarme en un examen a sacar un chivo (nunca pude sacar uno)

84- pase de ser la persona mas pesimista del mundo a una muy positiva

85- no me gustan las relaciones cortas y creo en la monogamia

86- nunca jugue a la botellita, es una etapa que de adulto quiero "quemar" jugando al strip poker

87- quisiera ejercitarme mas

88- tiendo a procrastinar demsiado, de no ser por jennifer nunca habria escrito nada de esto

89- quiero aumentar 15 libras

90- debia haber estado durmiendo hace 6 horas, estoy tomando la mala costumbre de acostarme muy tarde y levantarme a eso de la 1 o 2 de la tarde y lo odio

91- 2 veces no e salido con algunos amigos por estar en alguna otra cosa y por eso no e caido preso

92- una foto dice mas que mil palabras... pero no voy a poner esa foto aki

93- me caen mejor las ninias k los ninios

94- me banio con agua a una temperatura k pocos soportan... pero se danio el calentador >_<

95- se me hace dificil dar el primer paso, despues de ahi siento k todo ya va encajando

96- tengo pesima ortografia, pase mis examenes de espaniol en A, cuando le descontaron los puntos por faltas mis notas quedaron en c y d

97- se me hace dificil rechazar a alguien a quien le gusto

98- muchas veces me pierdo en mis pensamientos y termino imaginando la muerte de alguien k conosco, aveces mientas voy en el carro o caminando hacia algun lado puedo ver en mi mente exactamente como alguien muere

99- vivo para el arte, musica, pintura y dibujo, novelas y poesias

100- i love the song comptine d'un autre été: l'après-midi, es mi tono para mensajitos en el cel y cada vez k me llega uno no puedo evitar sonreir =)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand there you have it, al principio no sabia por donde empesar y despues tube k borrar un par para poner otros k me gustaban mas =P demsiadas cosas en la cabeza

todavia falta mucho por decir, voy a seguir escribiendo, espero k mas seguido =)

peace of mind

2008-07-23T02:18:00.000-04:00

Sobran palabras para decir lo que siento, pero ninguna en mi vocabulario hace sentir que me e expresado con suficiente claridad.

I remember a day as loud as you can imagine and still as quiet as no other...
All alone, rain falling next to me, just looking at cars passing by....
What would seem like the worst day ever was so much more...
An experience like no other... and i miss that.

-jumping on puddles

Mind Doodle

2008-07-21T08:15:00.000-04:00

(n.) random, thoughtless drawings on whatever topics happen to be flowing through the "artists" head . Often done to relieve boredom.

back in my brain again, dont know what to do, want to escape
no estoy dibujando lo suficiente, tengo par de dibujos sin terminar
deberia estar usando illustrator ahora mismo
me molesta cuando el llega en la maniana
quiero probar algo diferente
quiero hacer algo con mis manos
tengo hambre
no me gustan las habichuelas
estaran haciendo habichuelas de comida hoy?
kiero un snickers de cinnamon
tengo k acostarme en un techo a ver para arriba, hace mucho k no lo hago

things that i want to do:

desaparecer por un dia
comer twinkies
decirle a benny que baje el volumen
despertar temprano todos los dias

next time escribire algo con sentido, its to late or to early, todavia no me decido

A Vision

2008-05-21T00:16:00.000-04:00

Found no better way to say what i think about this day and age than with the words of Simon Armitage...
(thanks to the few people that make this life worth living and this world a better place)

A Vision

The future was a beautiful place, once.
Remember the full-blown balsa-wood town
on public display in the Civic Hall.
The ring-bound sketches, artists’ impressions,
blueprints of smoked glass and tubular steel,
board-game suburbs, modes of transportation
like fairground rides or executive toys.
Cities like dreams, cantilevered by light.
And people like us at the bottle-bank
next to the cycle-path, or dog-walking
over tended strips of fuzzy-felt grass,
or motoring home in electric cars,
model drivers. Or after the late show -
strolling the boulevard. They were the plans,
all underwritten in the neat left-hand
of architects - a true, legible script.
I pulled that future out of the north wind
at the landfill site, stamped with today’s date,
riding the air with other such futures,
all unlived in and now fully extinct.

the hollow

2008-05-02T04:08:00.000-04:00

call me what u will, now i will say what i feel

first of all i hate this feeling, this pain in my chest and the hole its digging in me!
i don't know if im a masochist and like to drown in my own misery or im just plain stupid!

why did i open my mouth? just to make me feel worse?

now, lets go back a little bit... just a scene or two, not much has happened since then...

ok, this girl, i didn't know her so much, why did i trust her? i did things so unlike me, i wanted to change myself, to be someone different, fix what was not broken, no, not broken, utterly destroyed, pulverized! IT CANT BE FIXED!!! and thats what makes me who i am... we are all broken somehow, something we wish we could change but... anyways im going out of my way here... where was i? o yes... i trusted her and i don't even know why... maybe i just wanted 2 feel like someone liked me again... good plan that one, well at least now i know one more person i need to keep an eye on...

i tend to leave things unfinished, dont know if this will be an exception or not... but its late... night

ps: i know ill miss this "stupid ache" but right now its just killing me

In my own world

2008-03-07T21:58:00.001-04:00

whats been going on with my life lately? well... thats a question i ask to myself everyday.
im deep into my studies... well, not actually studies since its graphic design... more like into my drawings...

I've been trying to develop these characters, each one with their own traits and different personalities, i want them to be alive, to feel and think for them selfs (which would actually mean that I'm insane, but who cares, right?)and to be able to react in different situations without me having to think to much about it (or none at all)

lately i feel like i've been drawn to much to this world i want to create, i have to get out and forget about it for a while...

and then...

2008-03-05T02:46:00.000-04:00

there was a time we were all happy
a more peaceful time, without hate o war
tiempos en los que la vida era mas sencilla
y los problemas eran insignificantes
tiempos en los que la inosencia no era solo un recuerdo
y la palabra sexo no estaba ligada a pedofilia, violacion o sodomía
tiempos en los que la virginidad era mas un estado mental que fisico
y nuestros suenios no eran un aston martin o un ferrari
...

and then there was money...

i do...

2008-03-02T01:13:00.000-04:00

"u probably never come here anymore... everyone has a facebook now... anyways... i miss u, we dont talk that much now, and i know its really my fault, estoy en parciales y todos son proyectos y disenios, por eso no te veo por aki, me la paso dibujndo y cuando estoy en la pc es usando photoshop...

anyways... i miss u, and the way u are, and the way we talk, and ur smile, even if i cant see it... strange i know... but who cares... i miss u."

one more sad tale....

2008-02-14T20:08:00.000-04:00

"-yo is that black magic?
-no, thats Black Nigga Nigga magic"
the commoner
D.M. Ronny C.

"D.M. stands for death minister."
D.M. Ronny C.

you were one of us, the best in each one of us, and as much as we hate to admit that you're gone its something we all have to accept... you will be missed...

this is not the end of a story, its just the beginning of a legend...

RIP

I'm sorry...

2008-01-17T01:35:00.000-04:00

I met you a long time ago, but I've only known you for a few days now... its strange how things happen, its even more strange how some things don't.

Right now I'm feeling guilty, i think I've done something wrong... ok, let me re-phrase that... i didn't do something, and not doing it felt wrong, even if i had my reasons.

anyways... I'll try hard not to let u down... again...

........................................

bout the x-mas post....

strange, this one wasnt that bad, i just went out with some friends and drank a lot =P
yes, i felt alone most of the time, but wile it lasted being "drunk" saved me =D

the thing about life - 2

2007-11-27T01:20:00.000-04:00

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
Wear sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….
You’re not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you.
Sing.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…
what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can… don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.
Dance… even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen…

the thing about life

2007-11-26T21:17:00.000-04:00

I've been in this world for 21 years and counting...
mucho e aprendido en esos anios k an pasado, (y aun asi hay tanto k ignoro) ninguno de ellos fue un total desperdicio aunke muchos pudieron ser mejores.
in those years i've seen the world change, from the way people dress to the way they buy things, i saw the raise of cd and digital media, the fall of cassettes, i saw people download mp3's trough napster, and the music industry suing they're clients, i've seen new love flourish and a marriage wither away...
i once saw a mother cry for the loss of her daughter; there, i saw people lusting morbidly over her dead body. I saw her father's face covered in tears for his lost butterfly, wile family and friends grieved her depart...
and still to this day thats the saddest of all the things i've seen

Don't Bother None

2007-11-18T18:42:00.000-04:00

quick 5 min. post... a Cowboy Bebop song

Yoko Kanno - Don't Bother None

Readin' my paper in Roy's cafe
The ol' guy next to me is loud as day
Rambled and rambled while eatin' his pie
He dropped his wallet, now its mine uh huh

Sorry old man but that's jus' the way that it is
Don't bother none
Won't help at all to worry 'bout it

Picked up the wallet and slipped out side
Walked around and walked around and walked around town
I found my nerve and a good place to hide
Only to find no cash inside uh-huh

Oh well I guess that's just the way that it is
Don't bother none
Won't help at all to worry 'bout it

I got thirsty so I went to a bar
Met a lil darlin' with the face of a star
In the mornin' woke up to find
She stole my car along with my heart uh-huh

Oh well I guess that's jus' the way that it is
Don't bother none
Won't help at all to worry 'bout it

Wish she'd give me back my heart uh-huh

Oh, well I guess that's jus' the way that it is
Don't bother none
Won't help at all to worry 'bout it

YO

2007-11-11T02:12:00.000-04:00

sometimes i think we like to drown in our own misery...
now tell me, if there is hope... why say no?
es increible la inmensa complejidad de la mente humana... pero mas sorprendente aun es su estupides... we take all for granted... food, money, friends, healt, life... hasta k se nos va d la mano

when will we learn to cherish what we have? probably never

i myself am one of those fools who likes to drown in his very own glass of water/misery/whatever, but does knowing it make me any wiser? guess not cuz im still here, drowning.

actually i think that makes me a little worst than the others... why? cuz i know what my problem is and i still do nothing about it... once i thought i saw hope for a change... now i dont know if i lost it...

anyways... kiero escribir como antes... like back in the days =P toda mi crap existencialista... tb le voy a cambiar el nombre al blog... vamos a ver como m va con eso, ya tengo una idea d lo k kiero pero nap... ahora un poco d lo k siento.

que soy? quien soy? en que me e convertido?
con cada fibra d mi ser siento k no encajo,
no en este mundo d generalizaciones y estandares,
de numeros y etiketas...
pero eso no responde a mi pregunta,
a mi sed de conocimiento de akello mas ignoro;
mi propia naturalesa,
mi camino a seguir o el k ya e tomado,
hacia donde me llevara?
que yugos y tratos tendre k soportar?
que zapato pisara mi espalda?
que boca dictara las acciones k debo seguir?
o acaso sere libre?
o almenos hasta donde llega la libertad hoy en dia
que no es mucho mas lejos de la puerta de nuestras casas.
estoy cansado de las etiketas y los numeros,
de las generalizaciones y los estandares
quiero paz para la mente y el alma
libertad para la creatividad y el habla
pero mas que nada kiero...
ser...
yo.

of choices and regrets...

2007-11-02T06:09:00.000-04:00

right now its 6:09 in the morning and im in bed... with the laptop... thinking about life...

you know, every day we have to make choices that in some way or another are going to affect our whole life... today i made one of those choices (one that I've been dragging 4 a few days now)... i just hope its the right one.

i cant help but feel uneasy, im not sure about what im doing, at least to me its the logical thing to do (which actually makes it non-logical at all) and in order to stay true to myself its what i have to do... and still...

i also remembered the day of the car crash, that's officially the worst mistake of my life, thats the kind of mistake i dont wanna end up doing again, thank god no one died that day... i dont know what i would have done... even if the world might be a better place without a few people in it...

its incredible... my life is so easy, even i know that, and yet im bound to the idea that my life is strange, difficult, tasteless, and any other bad adjectives you might wanna add there...

im laying in my bed, with the laptop, writing in my "blog/journal thingy" and thinking about life... cant get much more pathetic than that...

one last thing... i know you cant read this... i know you wouldn't read it even if you could... i know i cant call you or see u, or talk to u in any way anymore, but i miss you, heard this song the other day and to me it talks about not being afraid and fighting for what you believe in even if it kills you in the process, it also reminded me of you... miss u muecosa... miss u ramirez ramirez... miss u...

"Cassie"

The question asked in order
To save her life or take it
The answer no to avoid death
The answer yes would make it
Make it

Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
Say yes to pull the trigger
Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
And Cassie pulled the trigger

All heads are bowed in silence
To remember her last sentence
She answered him knowing what would happen
Her last words still hanging in the air
In the air

Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
Say yes to pull the trigger
Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
And Rachel pulled the trigger

How many will die
I will die
I, I will say yes

Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
Say yes to pull the trigger
Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
And Cassie pulled the trigger

(Do you believe)
Do you believe in God (Do you believe)
Do you believe in God (Do you believe)
Do you believe in God
And I will pull the trigger

8 years late

2007-10-24T16:25:00.000-04:00

how can u come back like this?
thinking every thing's just fine
its been 8 year girl...
did u really thought I'd wait all that time?
don't look at me with those eyes
you thought you had me for granted
now I'm a different person
I've grown up since our last encounter
i don't care about what you want
i don't care about who you are
cant you see girl?
I've been over you since 2001
...

Three Libras...

2007-10-19T22:34:00.000-04:00

A Perfect Circle - Three Libras

threw you the obvious
and you flew with it on your back
a name
in your recollection
down among a million same

difficult not to feel a little bit
disappointed and passed over
when I look right through
I see you naked but oblivious

and you don't see me

but I threw you the obvious
just to see if there's more behind the
eyes of a fallen angel
eyes of a tragedy

here I am expecting just a little bit
too much from the wounded
but I see, see through it all
see through
see you

'cause I threw you the obvious
to see what occurs behind the
eyes of a fallen angel
eyes of a tragedy

oh well
oh well
apparently nothing
apparently nothing at all

you don't
you don't
you don't see me

you don't
you don't
you don't see me

you don't
you don't
you don't see me

you don't
you don't
you don't see me

you don't
see me

you don't
you don't
you don't see me at all

luego pondre algo para acompaniarlo...

a game we all like to play

2007-10-19T12:08:00.000-04:00

-Build your story from scratch, the only thing you cant do is chose your parents.
-Make your own decisions and choose your way in life.
-Special E-motion system lets you feel joy, pain, sorrow, excitement, etc.
-Almost infinite amount of ways to earn money, you can chose to be a farmer or the next big mafia-boss.
-Fully customizable and updates with new content every day.
-Beautifully rendered environments and real-time weather effects.
-Ambient true-life 3d surround sound effects, build your own soundtrack.

-Awesome gameplay, including:
-----super enhanced first person mode
-----full interactive environment
-----complex advancement system lets you learn new moves and tricks
-----build your body the way you want it by going to gym or doing diets
-----go to school and interacting with real people
-----studying will let you improve your grades
-----complex dating sim, no girl or boy is the same
-----marriage system can work in your favor or against you
-----law system determines if your actions are good or bad
-----new features implemented every day
-----no difficulty setting, u set your own depending on your actions
-----one time experience, so make it worth wile

"ITS SO HARD BEING ME!" a game we all like to play!
the greatest mind in the universe created life... or was it just coincidence? doesn't matter, the point is you are alive and have to deal with it. Grow up in a randomly created environment, survive your first year and your up for a good start. As (put name your parents gave you here) you'll have to fight germs in your body and build up your immunology system and grow up.
but thats not all the fun... actually thats only the start of it, going to school, meeting "friends" (who might end up back-stabbing you later), fighting bullies (or being the bully), studying to get good grades to get to a good university and meet that "special someone" are only some of the options.

in the end its all your choice, become a serial killer or the next Martha Stewart, commit suicide or bomb school and blow everyone with you... just remember, this is a one time experience so get the most of it!

I am very bothered

2007-10-16T18:44:00.000-04:00

I am very bothered when I think
of the bad things I have done in my life.
Not least that time in the chemistry lab
when I held a pair of scissors by the blades
and played the handles
in the naked lilac flame of the Bunsen burner;
then called your name, and handed them over.

O the unrivalled stench of branded skin
as you slipped your thumb and middle finger in,
then couldn't shake off the two burning rings. Marked,
the doctor said, for eternity.

Don't believe me, please, if I say
that was just my butterfingered way, at thirteen,
of asking you if you would marry me.

-- Simon Armitage

found this in my hard drive...
i really like it... reminds me of the way we, at a young age, try to get peoples attention by doing the weirdest things... some of them not so good.

i really want to live that again, life was so simple and there was nothing to worry about... no hearts broken, no one died... the worst case scenario was a cold...

and best of all... we didnt care what people thought of us... we were just happy and did whatever we wanted to

NOW!!!

2007-10-16T01:02:00.000-04:00

first of all dont mind the title... its has nothing to do with what i posted here...

this will be the official first post... kinda lame its just something i wrote who knows when (and im only using it as an excuse 4 what i really want to post) and some lyrics of an old as hell song...

here goes...

its not about loosing hope or not, its about trying as hard as u can! e vivido y experimentado todo lo k dices, e escrito sobre eso justo como lo haces ahora, e amado, e querido y e tratado a los demas como me gustaria ser correspondido, trust me, it never comes back like it should... la vida es muy extrania no crees? queremos a quienes no nos quieren, amamos a quien sabemos que nunca nos amara y tratamos mejor a los que ni les interesa... como t dije e vivido cada uno de esos momentos, y probablemente mas d una vez cada uno... y sabes que? estoy seguro que volvere a vivirlos. life ist perfect, but its great just as it is, gracias a esos momentos en los que nos sentimos mal, en los que paerce k el mundo se nos viene ensima, esos son los momentos en los que se pone a prueba quienes somos en verdad y si merecemos algun dia ser felices. porque caemos podemos levantarnos y aprender de nuestros errores. lose hope if u want to... but never give up on live or love. just like in the movies it comes when u least expect it...

and now... the song:

Third Eye Blind - Jumper

I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
You could
Cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in
And
If you do not want to see me again, I would understand
I would understand

The angry boy, a bit too insane
Icing over a secret pain
You know you don't belong
You're the first to fight, you're way too loud
You're the flash of light on a burial shroud
I know something's wrong

Well, everyone I know has got a reason
To say
"Put the past away"

I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
You could
Cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in
And
If you do not want to see me again, I would understand
I would understand

Well, he's on the table and he's gone to code
And I do not think anyone knows what they're
Doing here
And your friends have left you, you've been dismissed
I never thought it would come to this, and I
I want you to know

Everyone's got to face down the demons
Maybe today
You could put the past away

I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
You could
Cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in
And
If you do not want to see me again, I would understand
I would understand
I would understand

(I would understand
I would understand
I would understand
I would understand)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Can you put the past away

I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend (I would understand)
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend (I would understand)
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend (I would understand)

And I would understand (I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend)
I would understand (I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend)
I would understand

maybe "someone" will read this... and find some meaning in it...

me enseniaste..

2007-10-12T03:54:00.000-04:00

wrote this a loooooong time ago... never thought id post it... pero asi es la vida... uno nunca sabe....

"what u taught me..."

tu quien nunca leeras esto... esto, es para ti...

siempre pense en velar por tu felicidad... de ti aprendi que si yo no velo por mi felicidad, nadie lo ara, y si lo hacen... mejor... ahora somos dos que velamos por mi...

siempre pense que el amor era incondicional... de ti aprendi a imponer las condiciones

siempre pense en dar antes que recivir... de ti aprendi que es mejor, mucho mejor recivir

siempre pense que la honestidad era lo mas importante... de ti aprendi que la ipocresia es un arte

siempre pense que las pequenias cosas eran las mas importantes... de ti aprendi que si no es a lo grande, para que molestarse?

siempre pense en el amor como un sentimiento... de ti aprendi que eso no es mas que un obstaculo para mis suenios

siempre pense en no lastimarte... de ti aprendi que si te sientes mal, pues te lo ganaste

siempre pense que estar con quien amas era mas que suficiente... de ti aprendi que sin 15 o 20 personas no hay hambiente

siempre pense que en verdad me amabas... de ti aprendi... olvidalo, de amor nunca me enseniaste nada...

por suerte tengo mala memoria... se que pronto olvidare todo lo aprendido...

ahora... algo si me enseniaste que nunca olvidare... nunca, nunca, NUNCA le estregues tu vida, tu corazon ni tu alma a nadie... aunque creo que e aprendido esto demasiado tarde...

fisrt blog

2007-10-08T16:49:00.000-04:00

first blog, first day...
and what a day... estoy cansado... llegue a casa a las 6:30 am de una filmacion...
guess ill post something tonight